The Real Reason You Feel Lost Right Now
You are not stuck.
You are shedding the self that made sense in a world that does not exist anymore.
The version of you that navigated the last decade of economic upheaval, identity strain, emotional load, and constant adaptation was built for survival.
She got you through.
She held your life together.
She bore the weight you could not set down.
But you are now standing in new terrain.
The identity that used to fit you, the role you played, the emotional labor you carried, the ways you self regulated, the instincts you developed, the strengths you sharpened, the persona you performed, all of that was shaped by an environment that no longer matches your present reality.
You feel the tension.
Not as catastrophe.
Not as collapse.
But as subtle drift.
A fog in the mind.
A restlessness in the body.
A quiet discomfort with yourself.
This is not personal failure.
It is misalignment.
Your internal world is updating faster than your external world.
Most of us built our identities for conditions that no longer exist.
The patterns we reinforced.
The responses we rehearsed.
The nervous system reflexes we ingrained.
All of it was built for safety, not authentic expression.
Survival mode is effective until the moment it stops being useful.
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Identity is not static
Identity shifts as life shifts.
It rewrites itself in response to responsibility, loss, opportunity, growth, and awakening.
Psychological research shows that identity disruption, meaning the experience of having an inner self that no longer matches one’s external life, is strongly connected to anxiety, confusion, exhaustion, and emotional flatness.
Neuroscientists have documented that when identity changes, the brain regions responsible for self perception begin to reorganize.
You literally become unfamiliar to yourself for a period of time.
What you call feeling lost is often the mind releasing an outdated version of you while the new one is still forming.
You are in a psychological in between.
You are no longer who you were
and not yet who you are becoming.
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Your nervous system is still protecting the old you
This part rarely gets spoken aloud.
You cannot step into a new identity with a nervous system that is still wired around threat and constriction.
If your body learned to anticipate danger, rejection, abandonment, or instability, it will pull you toward the behaviors that once kept you safe.
That looks like:
bracing for impact
• hyper vigilance
• emotional numbness
• burnout
• perfectionism
• people pleasing
• retreating into old coping habits
People mislabel this as being stuck.
It is not stuck.
It is protective.
When the body is bracing, the imagination shuts down.
You cannot envision a new life when your physiology is preparing for defense.
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The in between is where the real evolution happens
This transitional space is not failure.
It is metamorphosis.
It is the quiet rewrite of identity.
Liminality is the psychological space between selves.
It is uncomfortable.
It is disorienting.
It is strangely sacred.
You are not falling apart.
You are reorganizing.
Your old identity is dissolving.
Your new identity is forming.
You are living in that overlap.
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How to move through this identity shift
Honor the identity you are leaving behind
She did her job.
She carried you when you needed her.
Letting her go is not rejection.
It is respect.
Slow your pace so your system can recalibrate
Rest is not weakness.
Rest is reconstruction.
Your nervous system needs time to integrate new patterns.
Pay attention to the subtle shifts
You speak more honestly.
You choose differently.
You feel less obligated to shrink.
You stop absorbing emotional labor that does not belong to you.
You say no faster.
You gravitate toward different conversations.
These are not accidents.
These are signals of your next identity arriving.
Let your relationships reorganize around you
Some people will meet you where you are now.
Some will cling to the old version of you.
Some will silently fall away.
Your only responsibility is to stay aligned with your becoming.
Build self trust that is not based on performance
Learn to trust who you are when you are not delivering, proving, or performing.
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You are not falling apart.
You are becoming someone new.
If you feel lost right now, this is not a crisis.
It is a threshold.
Your old self is retiring.
Your nervous system is rewriting its reflexes.
Your brain is reconfiguring its sense of self.
Your future identity is emerging.
You are not behind.
You are not failing.
You are not malfunctioning.
You are transforming.
You are shedding the self that kept you alive
so you can finally become the self who lets you live.
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Sources
Mitchell, L L et al. Identity Disruption and Mental Health. PMC, 2020.
Psychology Today. The Neuroscience of Identity, 2019.
Hirsh J B and Kang S. Mechanisms of Identity Conflict. University of Toronto.
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Originally published on Medium-ILLUMINATIONS
About the author
Keri Tietjen Smith is an Applied Psychology Practitioner, Human Systems Architect, and Senior Talent Strategist who writes about identity transformation, nervous system adaptation, psychological reinvention, and the future of human potential.
If this resonated with you, you can find more of my work at keriellentietjen.com or subscribe to my Substack for weekly insights on personal evolution, emotional intelligence, and the changing landscape of being human.
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